- Many of the Software Engineers do not try to Change a burned bulb! Why ??…. That’s a Hardware Problem
- Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea.
Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
- What would a Software Engineer is going say after seeing a beautiful woman?
“Immediately start downloading it.”
- Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
- Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
- At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.” Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: “Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?”
- Two geeks are talking over lunch. The first one says, “You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said ‘Take whatever you want!’ … So I took the bike” The second guy says, “Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
- Funny facts about Google users: 50% of people use Google well as a search engine. The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected.
- A customer comes into the computer store. I’m looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.” “Well,” replied the clerk, “Have you tried Vista?”
- The ‘ Corporate ‘ language !!‘We will do it’
means
You will do it’‘You have done a great job’
means
‘More work to be given to you’‘We are working on it’
means
‘We have not yet started working on the same’‘Tomorrow, first thing in the morning’
means
‘Its not getting done… At least not tomorrow !’.‘After discussion we will decide – I am very open to views’
means
‘I have already decided, I will tell you what to do’‘There was a slight miscommunication’
means
‘We had actually lied’‘Lets call a meeting and discuss’
means
‘I have no time now, will talk later’‘We can always do it’
means
‘We actually cannot do the same on time’‘We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline’
means
‘The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.’‘We had slight differences of opinion’
means
‘We had actually fought’‘Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you’
means
‘Anyway you have to find a way out , no help from me’‘You should have told me earlier’
means
‘Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!’‘We need to find out the real reason’
means
‘Well I will tell you where your fault is’‘Well…. family is important, your leave is always granted.
Just ensure that the work is not affected’
means
‘Well you know…’‘We are a team’
means
‘I am not the only one to be blamed’‘That’s actually a good question’
means
‘I don’t know anything about it’
.
.
And finally‘All the Best’
means
‘You are in trouble’
- Software Engineer says I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts… His friend asks “and do you have life?”.. Software Engineer replies… OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
- New Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies…
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily…well, once a week… okay, monthly then…or maybe…
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
When I hear “Where do you want to go today?” I will not reply “MS Tech Support.”
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than “password.”
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh…I resolve to, uh, get my, er…
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
- Types of Women:
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: From every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes,installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose everything; if you don’t try to uninstall her you will be rendered useless… Either way, you lose.
- My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
- Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking Stupids!
- Customer Care Officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Customer : Sure
Customer Care Officer : Could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?
Customer : I did left click but how the hell do I find Your computer?
- Husband is a Software Professional!!
Husband : Good evening dear, I am now logged in.
Wife : Have you brought the ring?
Husband : Bad command or File name.
Wife : But I told in the mornin…….
Husband : Erroneous Syntax, Abort?
Wife : What about your salary?
Husband : File in use.
Wife : What about my new saree?
Husband : Variable not found.
Wife : At least give me your credit card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation, Access Denied.
Wife : Do you love me or do you only like computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters.
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married a stupid guy like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : It is by default.
Wife : By the way who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.
- A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife : Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!! What happened, did you run out of toilet paper? No, restart the modem, please!
- Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
- Johny Johny Yes Papa Private Company? Yes Papa Any Motivation No Papa Many Tension? Yes Papa Do you sleep Well ? No Papa Onsite Opportunity? No Papa Boss Scolding? Yes Papa Increment ? Ha Ha Ha